I Will Conquer!

Two new life lessons: throwing up at school is humiliating, and mountain dew works wonders. Feel free to come to whatever conclusions you will.

The whole situation has gotten me thinking about new beginnings. They’re so hard! You have to let go of things. That’s what I have trouble with. Letting go.

But in a way, they’re refreshing. You get to become whoever you want to be. That’s what I’m trying to do, but it’s hard. People who have never been depressed don’t understand how hard it is to be happy. I mean, I really am trying! It’s such a mess sometimes. I’m a mess. But I’m getting there. There are lots of things that hurt, but I’m really trying to get past them.

I’m trying to see things differently. There was a time, before all of this happened, when I remembered to smell the roses and remember the color of the sky. When I asked simple questions like “Why are Justin Timberlake’s songs so long?” or “What are Oreos made of?”

That’s what I’m working for! Yes, there are people I will hold onto, cherish, and love forever and ever… But even though things are different, I gotta get out there with my head up and live life. It’s hard to do some days, like this morning…. But I gotta do it. I just wish that people could get it. That I’m trying. That I would rather be happy. They act like I’m trying to be depressed. This is where it stops.

I’m tired of defining myself by my problems. Looking back, the people I loved the most meant a lot to me because they taught me that the way I think of myself can define me. I’ve spent so much time missing the people I had to leave behind, that I haven’t thought about why I love them.

People- think about the things that your loved ones teach you. Remember them forever! My bestie, she taught me to look forward and see what I can do with my future if I try. My other best friend, he taught me that I am worth loving, and I am worth taking care of myself. It’s time for me to remember all these things that I have learned, and use them.

I can do this, guys. I can be happy if I want to. Sometimes I’ll feel terrible and depressed, but I’m gonna keep trying. That’s the way it’s gonna be. I will conquer. Yayuh.

With droopy feelings but high hopes,

-Kenny

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.”